Best Reads of 2023: My Top 4 Favorites
4 books that shifted my thinking and impacted my approach to both life and leadership
I sit in front of a bookcase piled full of self-help and personal development books, and am always entertained that when I give people the ability to “ask me anything” at the end of online workshop or just generally in a coaching call, the first thing people want to know is which are my favorite books.
Here are four books that really landed with me in 2024.
A peek into my office.
The Gap and the Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy
A client mentioned this book to me, and I’m so glad he did! It outlines a simple concept that, once you comprehend it, can’t help but change the way you measure success and how you count the progress towards your goals.
In summary, you can either live your life measuring the gap (how far you still have to go to get to your goals), or you can still set big goals but measure the gain (from your starting point forward).
Dan Sullivan has been a coach for as long as coaching has been around, and Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist. Sullivan’s gap/gain concept is the mindset shift that Dr Hardy goes on to back up and explain further through a psychological lens. It’s not a hard read, but a simple concept that if integrated has the potential to shift the way you continue to motivate and drive yourself towards future success.
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss with Tahl Raz
A member of one of my coaching groups recommended this read, and it was well worth it! Chris Voss was the FBI’s #1 hostage negotiator and obviously, could never risk “splitting the difference” when he was negotiating deals.
It is focused on business negotiations, but the lessons shared are equally skills I would frame as influence. They are communication skills that will help you in all avenues of your life.
Some key takeaways include:
Negotiating is primarily about rapport and positive regard.
Take the time to understand what they desire. What is driving their behavior?
Being a mirror works like magic. To mirror, simply repeat the last three words of what someone just said.
Label the other person’s fears to diffuse them, i.e., “You’re probably thinking . . .”
Don’t ask “why” questions. They lead to defensiveness and feel like an accusation.
Ask what and how questions (calibrated questions) and move people towards solving your problem for you.
Look for similarities between you. People are more likely to concede with someone they feel they share a common ground with.
It is a powerful read that will give you multiple approaches to improve your workplace relationships and influence.
Whole Brain Living by Jill Bolte Taylor
This book provides a super powerful model for understanding what Bolte Taylor identifies as the four characters in our brain.
Jill Bolte Taylor is a neuroanatomist (aka brain scientist) who had a debilitating stroke and watched her brain go offline. As part of her brain functionality shut down, she found herself having a very different experience of life and living. You can watch her story in her famous TED talk: My Stroke of Insight
This book follows on from her memoir, also titled My Stroke of Insight. She puts forward a simple model that can help us all better understand how we are showing up, and also choose our response to a situation. I appreciate her model so much that I used it as a cornerstone for self-understanding as part of the Deepen & Renew Retreat I run yearly.
While helping you really deepen your self-understanding, this book will also assist you in:
Tending to your scared, anxious self
Indulging your playful side
Respecting and appreciating your inner control freak
Connecting with your higher self
Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life by Susan David
This book was published in 2016, but it is still one I frequently recommend to clients. I often refer to Emotional Agility as being a 2.0 version of the emotional self-awareness component of emotional intelligence.
It’s upgraded in that it promotes emotional flexibility and a deep recognition of our emotional experience and reactions, followed by a conscious choice of our response so that it aligns with our values.
David splits emotional responding into three components. We can either be:
Hooked into one’s emotions - this reflects when we get stuck in our emotions and inflate them. This is where emotion can often blind us, and lead to emotional responses.
Emotionally Agile - where we recognize and process our emotions accurately, but choose a considered, and values-based response
Denial - this is when we ignore, repress, or deny our emotions. We’re always “great” and likely highly optimistic. The downside is that this is the space where you can be toxically positive and also disregard the experience of others unintentionally.
David’s model challenges the idea that it isn’t appropriate or healthy to have difficult emotions, especially in the workplace. Emotions themselves are completely human and normal - it is how we process and act upon them that matters. Appropriate expression leads to authenticity, which builds trusting workplace relationships.
This HBR article, written before the book, is an excellent primer on her approach: Emotional Agility.
Susan David also has a TED talk, The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage.
Each of these books has the ability to change the way you look at yourself, and the world, and truly will make you a better leader in both your work and your life.
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Kate Snowise trained as an Industrial & Organizational Psychologist in New Zealand, before moving to the US ten years ago, where she has established herself as a prominent Executive Coach, Speaker, and Facilitator. She is dedicated to guiding leaders to deepen their self-awareness, grow into their potential, and have a positive impact on those around them. Recognized as a top Executive Coach by the Coach Federation and Culture Amp, she has also been listed among the Top 15 Coaches in St Paul, MN by Influence Digest. Kate’s thoughts and insights have graced prestigious platforms, including FastCompany, Forbes, MindBodyGreen, and Huffington Post.
Please note: this post includes affiliate links to Amazon books.